In a world exclusive Flintoff’s Ashes can bring you the full apology issued by England ODI captain, Paul Collingwood, following his recently well publicised trip to a strip club in Cape Town.
“It was a mistake on my part, nothing else. I didn’t realise what kind of club ‘Tits A Go Go’ was for the first four hours. Obviously as soon as I’d realised my mistake and settled my bill for eighteen beers, five private dances and some red hot lesbo action, I made my excuses and left. It’s unfortunate that this incident took place and I apologise to everyone concerned. Especially the guy I bumped into with my lazy lob. I’m England captain and have certain responsibilities not only as captain but also as the token ginger in the team.
With great power comes great responsibility. I heard that in a film once. It was about a man who was bitten by a spider who got lots of special powers. He could climb walls like a spider, spin webs like a spider and he was basically a man who was a spider. I think it were the X-Men. Anyways, I feel I’ve abused my power with this incident and I certainly abused myself that evening.
I accept the fine of �1,000 handed to me by the ECB. I just hope they don’t notice the receipt from ‘Tits A Go Go’ when I hand in me expenses sheet at the end of the tour.
After talking to my family, friends and the England management team, I feel the only appropriate course of action is for me to perform my famous Trunky the Elephant Boy impression in public.”
Tags: Cricket, England, Paul Collingwood, Strip Club, 20-20 World Cup
The Schofield Report was designed to improve English cricket by looking at the failings of the last 5 years and provide suggestions on how to move the game of cricket forward. If you haven’t seen it yet then there’s a nice summary over at The Corridor for you to have a look at.
The problem is that the media released version is so wishy washy. It doesn’t really say anything new. It just covers the same old ground. Too much cricket being played. International tours are draining. Balance of power. Yada yada yada.
Well there’s a reason behind this and, in a worldwide exclusive, Flintoffs Ashes can reveal the shocking truth behind the Schofield report.
It’s been doctored and we have the proof!
In time honoured tradition, the crusty old farts at the MCC and ECB have swept the truth under the carpet in order to maintain their control at the helm of English cricket. They didn’t want this document to ever see the light of day but we’ve managed to get hold of the REAL Schofield Report.
Tags: Cricket, England, Schofield Report
I don’t normally talk about the County Championship too much here on Flintoff’s Ashes. Mainly because it’s pretty dull stuff however I had to make mention of the Division One clash between Warwickshire and Durham.
Warwickshire were bowled out for 335 in their first innings with England hopeful Graham Onions picking up 8-101. 5 of his wickets were caught behind by wicket keeper Philip Mustard.
Sadly Arthur Side-Order-Of-Fries wasn’t playing.
Tags: Cricket
I’m a big fan of the King Cricket website. It nearly always makes me laugh and they update their site a darn site more than me!
However one of the things that bugs me about the site is their worshipping of Rob Key. Now I know it’s good to have cricketing heroes but Rob Key? When he made his debut for England I was convinced that some big wig at the MCC had bribed the England selectors to let his fat son play. Judging by his performances, I’m still not discounting it…
Anyway, the guys over at King Cricket are currently asking readers to send in pictures of their hero in various guises. For obvious reasons I haven’t submitted my latest crap photoshopped effort so I thought I’d share it with you guys instead.
Tags: Cricket, Rob Key, Fat Git
For years I’ve been trying to convince various ex-girlfriends that cricket is, in fact, a manly game played by finely tuned athletes. “It’s just as dangerous as rugby” I would tell them as I recalled various injuries I’d witnessed on council pitches across leafy Buckinghamshire.
“But it seems…I dunno…a bit gay” they would reply and no matter how hard I tried to convince them otherwise, they would always assume that there was another side of my nature which I wasn’t telling them. A more, how shall I put this, feminine side.
It appeared that my love of cricket meant that short of flouncing down the road in a rubber basque singing Judy Garland songs, I couldn’t be gayer if I tried.
Read more…
