Everyone else has been chipping in with their take on the inclusion of Darren Pattinson for the last Test against South Africa. Here’s mine.

Just in case you don’t get the joke, visit Lolcats and then come back and lolz at teh funneh.

KTHXBAI

Unless you’ve been living in a cave for the last few days (hello Osama!), you’ll have noticed that Duncan Fletcher is about to publish his autobiography. Now this is something I’ve been looking forward to ever since I first heard he was writing it. I always liked Fletch and I think that he’s going to be exposing an awful lot about the state of English cricket in his book.

However, in typical British tabloid tradition, the one thing that the newspapers have focused on in their reviews is not the rise of England from the also rans to Ashes winners nor the introduction of central contracts or the fact that cricket has become popular once more. No. They want to focus on the important things in life. The stuff that sells newspapers.

According to the exclusive abridged version of Behind The Shades being published in the Daily Mail, and naturally the rest of the world within seconds of the ink drying, the most important thing to come out of Duncan Fletchers tenure as England coach is this.

Andrew Flintoff likes a beer.

In other news the world is round.

Tags : Andrew Flintoff, Cricket, Duncan Fletcher, Beer

In a world exclusive Flintoff’s Ashes can bring you the full apology issued by England ODI captain, Paul Collingwood, following his recently well publicised trip to a strip club in Cape Town.

“It was a mistake on my part, nothing else. I didn’t realise what kind of club ‘Tits A Go Go’ was for the first four hours. Obviously as soon as I’d realised my mistake and settled my bill for eighteen beers, five private dances and some red hot lesbo action, I made my excuses and left. It’s unfortunate that this incident took place and I apologise to everyone concerned. Especially the guy I bumped into with my lazy lob. I’m England captain and have certain responsibilities not only as captain but also as the token ginger in the team.

With great power comes great responsibility. I heard that in a film once. It was about a man who was bitten by a spider who got lots of special powers. He could climb walls like a spider, spin webs like a spider and he was basically a man who was a spider. I think it were the X-Men. Anyways, I feel I’ve abused my power with this incident and I certainly abused myself that evening.

I accept the fine of �1,000 handed to me by the ECB. I just hope they don’t notice the receipt from ‘Tits A Go Go’ when I hand in me expenses sheet at the end of the tour.

After talking to my family, friends and the England management team, I feel the only appropriate course of action is for me to perform my famous Trunky the Elephant Boy impression in public.”

Tags: Cricket, England, Paul Collingwood, Strip Club, 20-20 World Cup

The Schofield Report was designed to improve English cricket by looking at the failings of the last 5 years and provide suggestions on how to move the game of cricket forward. If you haven’t seen it yet then there’s a nice summary over at The Corridor for you to have a look at.

The problem is that the media released version is so wishy washy. It doesn’t really say anything new. It just covers the same old ground. Too much cricket being played. International tours are draining. Balance of power. Yada yada yada.

Well there’s a reason behind this and, in a worldwide exclusive, Flintoffs Ashes can reveal the shocking truth behind the Schofield report.

It’s been doctored and we have the proof!

In time honoured tradition, the crusty old farts at the MCC and ECB have swept the truth under the carpet in order to maintain their control at the helm of English cricket. They didn’t want this document to ever see the light of day but we’ve managed to get hold of the REAL Schofield Report.

Tags: Cricket, England, Schofield Report

I don’t normally talk about the County Championship too much here on Flintoff’s Ashes. Mainly because it’s pretty dull stuff however I had to make mention of the Division One clash between Warwickshire and Durham.

Warwickshire were bowled out for 335 in their first innings with England hopeful Graham Onions picking up 8-101. 5 of his wickets were caught behind by wicket keeper Philip Mustard.

Sadly Arthur Side-Order-Of-Fries wasn’t playing.

Tags: Cricket