Vaughan Quits As England Captain

Michael Vaughan has quit as England captain after the series defeat against South Africa. In an emotional press conference he explains that his mind was simply not on the job any more and that it was time to take a break from cricket.

Firstly I want to thank Vaughan for all the good times, not least of all the Ashes victory in ’05. From a long suffering England cricket fan, it was great to witness the little urn coming home after all those years. Outside of that I think that Vaughan and, to a certain extent Nasser Hussain, put cricket back on the back pages of the papers and into the public eye once more so we should be grateful for his contribution.

Why has he stood down? Well he says that it’s because his mind is fried but I think it has more to do with the girly haircut he developed whilst convalescing after this knee injury. It’s a bit of a noncey haircut, Michael, and I’m sure that if you’d cut your hair before the NZ tour that you’d still be in a job but there you go.

Paul Collingwood has also been told to quit stepped down as one day captain so the current debate is about who will take over as both Test and ODI captain. Geoff Miller has said that he wants one man to do both jobs and it seems that the current consensus is that Kevin Pietersen is that man.

Well here at Flintoffs Ashes we have a different opinion and think that we have the perfect contender for the role and it might not be who you think…

Kevin Pietersen is undoubtedly an incredibly talented cricketer. He’ll be the first to tell you that. However I think he would be the worst England cricket captain. Well actually I probably would be but since I’ve already got plans for next weeks Test match, I guess I won’t be getting the call anyway. No, KP would not be a good captain for the simple reason that he’s too self absorbed to captain the side. Now I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. His ego has provided 3777 runs at an average of 50.36 since he stopped being South African at the expense of one of my favourite ever players Graham Thorpe made his debut for England. In that time he has got himself dismissed on numerous occasions by playing the kind of shot that Geoff Boycott describes as mindless but you take the rough with the smooth and, in my opinion, I would rather have a team of Kevin Pietersens than a team of Geoff Boycotts.

Take away that free flowing style, ultimate self belief, brazen bravado and you’ll have half the player. As far as I know, Michael Atherton is the only England Test captain over the last 20 or so years who had a better batting average as captain than he did as a player and that’s only because he was a stubborn bastard who refused to let the media beat him into submission. Outside of him, all the previous and subsequent captains have seen a drop in their batting average.

Give KP the job and we lose our best batsman. He is simply not captain material and, even if he were, would you risk your one world class player when there are better contenders out there?

And who might these better contenders be?

Well let’s dismiss Freddy first up. He’s only just got back into the side, he wasn’t much cop at the job in Australia and, in the same way as Pietersen, you’re going to stifle his talent by burdening him with the captaincy.

Andrew Strauss – only just got back into the Test side. Would have been an automatic choice a couple of years ago but I think the ECB f****d him over by not giving him the Ashes series. Big mistake and one he certainly hasn’t forgotten. It’s too early for him to be considered after his re-inclusion in the comfy set up that is Team England side.

Paul Collingwood – ginger.

Alastair Cook – too early in his Test career. I’m still not 100% on him but I think he has got the potential to become a really good Test opener so let’s not balls things up by giving him the captaincy.

Marcus Trescothick – mental.

Out of the current England set up there is nobody who immediately springs to mind which is why I’m going outside of the cosy set up and putting my hat in the ring for a certain rotund chap who plays for Kent. The guys at King Cricket will love me for this but I think the next England captain should be Rob Key.

Key averages 31.00 at Test level so he’s clearly no slouch with the bat. Sure he’s not going to break too many records as a Test batsman but he’s solid. In more ways than one. He’s performed miracles at Kent turning them into a serious contender on all fronts. He is exceptional at working with the media. He’s also someone who will come into this cozy environment and kick some butt.

The fact is that the England team have become a little bit complacent to a certain extent. The fuss over the inclusion of Lolpat and the subsequent comments that he disrupted the England dressing room back this up. Playing for England is not a right, it’s a privilege and that’s something that the current England squad would do well to remember. It’s something that I think an outsider to the camp would remind them of. Someone like Fatboy Fat.

Rob Key new England captain
Be Sociable, Share!

Technorati Tags: , , , ,

2 comments so far

  1. Miss Field
    #1

    Saying his haircut is girly is an insult to women!

    That haircut is a mullet, no two ways about it.

  2. Mike
    #2

    Fair one, Missy. You’re right. It’s a mullet. No woman outside of an 80′s porn pop video would have a haircut like that.

Cricket Kit