Ever since Fat Boy announced he was going to retire at the end of the Sydney Test, all I have heard in interviews with him is how his scriptwriter keeps on coming up with another plot twist.

“So how does it feel, Shane, knowing that you’ll pick up your 700th wicket at the MCG?”
“Ah look, you know, my scriptwriter couldn’t have done a better job….”

“Shane, picking up 5 wickets in your final Test at the MCG. It couldn’t have been better, could it?”
“Ah look, you know, whoever is writing my scripts is doing a fantastic job…”

“So it’s your final Test match, Shane, and you only need one more wicket to reach the milestone of 1000 international wickets. How do you feel?”
“Ah look, you know, the guy writing my script just keeps on pulling rabbits out the hat…”

Shane Warnes scriptwriter is clearly a highly talented scribe who is able to produce moments of high drama, tension and emotion. Sadly, England appear to be using a former EastEnders scriptwriter who, rather than come up with any new story lines, has simply rehashed old scripts and just changed the names of the characters.

Tags : Cricket, The Ashes, England, Australia, Fifth Test